A truthful journey.

I tell myself I don’t need anyone but the truth is, no one really needs me. I care & listen to others. I always care & listen to others. That’s my problem. It’s easier for me to fake that smile and say that I’m fine than have to explain why I am unhappy.

I feel like I flit between two different worlds. One when I close my eyes at night where I hope to fall asleep before I fall apart, where I live a happy life, married with children with a white picket fenced house, a car and a good job, a life where I have many friends and socialise and am truly happy. And then the other world which I currently live where I am single no kids, no house, no car or job, a few friends and where I hardly socialise and feel truly unhappy.

I’ve made mistakes and continue to make them, but never seem to learn from them.

I’m not worthless, I believe I can and so I will. I fail over and over again, but I know I will end up happy in the end as long as I keep pushing myself.

I just need to remind myself of that everyday.

So bear with me whilst I do this and follow me on my challenging journey.

A Pioneer of a Distant Future

Distant Pluto 

by Geoff Lambert




A solitary voice amongst
Billions of stars
In a system of eight
A disparate equator
Absence of soul I give
Myself freely to itself


A ceremonial departure
Of a pioneer from a distant
Desolate existence
Emotionless and remote
Orbiting beauty and war


Flares of unbending light
To brighten the dark parts
Take my soul but give me life
Beauty not war
Tolerance not ignorance
A pioneer of a distant future


Original source, emotionless state
Bring me back this system of eight
See the light and flip the taunt
Take the dark and still your mind
Reunite my absent soul


Flares of unbending light
To brighten the dark parts
Take my soul I give you my life
Peace not hate
Health not wealth
A pioneer from a distant future

Manchester

Armed Soldiers and Armed Police on our streets is nothing to fear or label as anything other than our resolute determination to eradicate threats to our freedoms that for hundreds of years we have fought to protect. #Manchester

Distant Pluto

Distant Pluto

by Geoff Lambert



A solitary voice amongst
Billions of stars
In a system of eight
A disparate equator
Absence of soul I give
Myself freely to itself


A ceremonial departure
Of a pioneer from a distant
Desolate existence
Emotionless and remote
Orbiting beauty and war


Flares of unbending light
To brighten the dark parts
Take my soul but give me life
Beauty not war
Tolerance not ignorance
A pioneer of a distant future


Original source, emotionless state
Bring me back this system of eight
See the light and flip the taunt
Take the dark and still your mind
Reunite my absent soul


Flares of unbending light
To brighten the dark parts
Take my soul
I give you my life
Peace not hate
Health not wealth
A pioneer from a distant future

The Straw Hat Effect

I was being lead down a different path and was not with the people who I should have been with. I needed to just let go and trust the universe. Maybe this time, I’m realising what truly matters, and not to take for granted the people who never leave me behind.

I compartmentalise and internalise external pressures and expectations and I aim to meet the expectations of others rather than focusing on my own expectations.

Feeling lonely is not a thing about my life that I’m happy with, although being alone I can handle. I enjoy my own company.

I suppose my feelings of loneliness is a deep feeling for companionship and maybe love, but being in the company of friends and loved ones seems contradictory to really just wanting to be left alone.

Feeling lonely brings memories and confusion, the better parts of my life and noticing their absence. It also makes me think Why me?

Being alone is doing things by myself, but also doing them for myself.

Life’s too short to drink cheap wine and worry about the people who don’t worry about you.

But the truth is, I will always be content with myself; with or without interaction with other people.

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Some more snaps from our Mid-West America holiday 1998

Somewhere in Colorado, USA

This was taken back in 1998 when I was only 18 years old. This was my family’s first holiday abroad. We spent time in Colorado, Utah and Wyoming, and I have to say they are beautiful states.

The people we met were lovely and they welcomed us with open arms, as some of the towns we visited had never had visitors from England.

I am hoping to re-visit in a year or so as there was so much more to see and do that we just could not fit in.